Å leve fra Ånden...

Well, it is that special time a year, those special days with those closest and dearest to us. All the traditions. All the time together. But he won´t be home for Christmas this time... My sister just blogged about our first Christmas without our Dad -  "Den første julen" . And not just him, also Mom will spend this time apart from us. It is a special time, for all, in special circumstances. I´m sitting at Starbucks, listening to my favorite Christmas CD (Mosaic choir) and looking through pictures of Dad and trying to sob quietly. The tears come almost as soon as I see his dear face, the pictures where he smiles and the ones where he is in pain. Life has continued to go on, we think about him, but life has moved forward... and then suddenly it all comes back, and mountains of tears appear from nowhere. It hits me again, that I have actually lost him, and that I can´t believe how he is just gone. I don´t think it´s possible to prepare for it. Even if I had, it would not ...

  Another week is over. Number six to be exact. I´ve been here about six weeks, and to Christina´s surprise I´m not yet tanner than her! I haven´t been going «suncrazy» or off to the beach all the time at all. It´s surprising also to me. Maybe it was enough with that incredible week in Greece with Ina that gave me the sun I needed for this winter..? Anyways, I´m tan enough and I would rather spend a day outside at a café overlooking the ocean and think about nothing. Write a little. Read some news online. Drink coffee and look at all the people walking by. So – is the universe finally coming into place again after some weeks away? Is there cosmic order again? Am I finding God in this place? Well, I wouldn´t give any easy answers, and nothing definite, but something is for sure happening. It is so slow and goes by so unnoticed, though, that it is hard to pinpoint what exactly is going on. But somehow something seems to be falling into place, something inside and someth...

Yeah, I actually bought this T-shirt in 2005 when living in Hawaii at the time. And I also wore it a few times. I thought it was pretty cool. I thought it said something important about me . And maybe it did. Now I kinda laugh thinking about it. "in´de´pen´dent.... me in a nutshell... `coz I didn´t need nobody!" Not that independence isn´t good, and right at times. Not that I don´t appreciate my own individuality, but because I´m wanting to write about what´s going on in my life - now - this blogpost is about being dependent. Did you know that a child actually has to learn to be dependent before it can learn how to be independent? I didn´t. Not until a wise missionary girl, Leslie Freeman, with a master in child education, devoting her life to children at risk in the poor area of Jaco in Costa Rica, told me so. Yeah, that´s actually a big part of the first years of a child´s life. It´s not so much about learning how to socialize, it´s not so much about the ability to ...

I have contemplated writing this blog post in Norwegian to not offend anyone... I decided not to, so I´m sorry all you American readers ( who are you by the way, and what on Earth is "vampirestat"?! I suddenly have a lot of new readers in the US!!) but I think I have to blog about an incident today. I love America, and Americans, and a week ago I blogged about how much I learn from your school system, and would like to see more of it in my own country. The list of what I love could go on and on. I love Costco (it´s like ten times the size of Coop), I love that everything is big here - everywhere , and cheap too!!! I love how you can send stuff in the mail anywhere in the whole country within a few days for almost nothing, and how you literally can get a hold of almost anything under the sun, and even multiple choices of them! I absolutely love the weather!!! Here and everywhere I´ve been in the States. And I love walking down the street and some stranger walks by, s...

It´s always nice getting real letters, or even packages in the mail!! And especially if you are away. So if anyone wants to write me, my address is: Renate Solberg    c/o Magnar Helland 75-5851 Kuakini hwy  #95 Kailua Kona HI 96740-2199 USA I promise to respond!! I know this is a long shot in our day and age when we can mail and chat and snapchat, but really, there is nothing like a real, handwritten letter from home!! I get nostalgic thinking about my days in South Korea waiting for letters and Norwegian chocolate and brown cheese. It has never tasted better, and the letters have never been read more thoroughly. Today Christina and I started our Christmas shopping. Christina is extremely excited about being almost done before December 1st. I don´t think that has ever happened before . (Or ever will... if you ask my opinion...) For me it´s pretty normal - I absolutely hate shopping after middle of December when people are running around like wildmen in the...

Well, I totally thought I would blog about this earlier, but yes, my status has shifted from `working´ till `student.´ I don´t know for how long or where I´ll end up on this path, but I´ve decided to give it a try. I´ve been rethinking (is that a word?) my life many times the last months. And I decided to take a break, at least, from teaching and study for a year or two. I miss my last job more than I would have thought, though I only worked there a short time it was such a great challenge to get to teach High school and meet so many uniqe new people. I miss being part of a working environment, the mandatory coffee in every break, and talks about our hard working and not-so-hard working pupils!! So I started student life after more or less six years of teaching and am, to my surprise and relief, enjoying it a lot. I was wondering how I would feel, if I would handle it, if I would even like the subjects in "global studies." And I did! I loved it! If I could, I would read a...

So I´m officially 35, and it sounds crazy to me! 35 , that´s like half way to 70!!! Not many years ago I thought about that as being middle aged!! So do I have to act a certain way now? Be all wise and talk in a specific manner, nod slowly when I listen to people to appear grown-up, quite shopping at H&M and BikBok, start using only gold and silver (no more plastic-fantastic) and change my life to characterize the age-stage I´m at? To some extend my life isn´t all that different from 13 years ago... am I even grown-up then? When I don´t have the house and the kids and the career and the stable life I thought I´d have by now. I think I definitely did not think I would be and feel like this turning 35, when Anett and I from the age of 16 to 18-years old would sit on top of the hillside, giving us the greatest view over our little town, and talk - and dreeeeaaaam about the future!! We only saw potential and opportunities, and life would definitely be smashing and amazing and lived...

All right, so I guess we´re back to normal life, then.... tilbake til hverdagen.... but ooops, I forgot, I don´t have a normal life here!! I don´t have a schedule, a network of people, things to do, places to be at certain times and regular activities in the evenings.... what to do then?!? I think I can say I have landed here in Hawaii and adjusted, to the hot weather, the new rhythm of waking up superearly and going to bed before 10 ( so not me!), the ukulele and the slooooooow pace of life. It´s kinda nice, everybody even walks slower here. I was sitting outside Target (egentlig et slags Coop, men bare en del større!! Pluss at de har Starbucks og restaurant der inne!) waiting for my sister and watching all the funny people running errands.... did I say running?! Nobody was running (like those busy Moms I´m used to watch from Mezzanin (a Norwegian cafe in a shopping mall), then it seems like everyone is in a hurry to reach something !). Here everybody was waaaalking veeeery ...

I'm back in Kona-town where I spent almost three years as a missionary in the 90's, a place that has been a refuge ever since - in 2001, 2005, 2012 and now for some months in 2013/14. I come here hoping to refuel, to rest, to breathe again, a time and place to think and reflect, to get excited, pumped up and challenged, and mostly to be with my family! I landed a week ago and have spent the time adjusting to weather, time zone, language, living with five others and just a whole different culture, feel and daily rhythm. The kids have been super excited to see me, especially Bella who hardly will leave me alone for a second. Even when going to the bathroom or having a shower. This is a common dialogue: - "Tante Natre!! (her current name on me) Where are you?!" Me: - "I'm in the bathroom, Bellis, I'll be out in a minute!" (30 seconds later) - "Tante Natre! Are you finished yet?!" ... - "Can I come in?!" Me: - "Hang...

I´m leaving Norway in less than a week and am not coming home until the snow hopefully has melted and it is starting to get just a little brighter outside each night. I´m going to live in Hawaii for some months, leaving my life behind here and facing something new; familiar, but yet strange. I´m leaving with mixed feelings; with sadness in my heart about leaving Mom and everyone and everything I love here, but also with rising excitement  of what this visit could mean of new life, hope, challenges and inspiration. It´s no secret, even in my blog, that losing my Dad has left me feeling almost half, or like somebody else than myself or not fully alive. It is like the sun and moon and the stars are no longer in their same places and there is no order in the universe any more. I feel like a stranger in my own country, in my own town, in my own apartment. A stranger and a homeless, like I explained earlier . Maybe it´s time to break new land, to leave the old and look for someth...

En venninnekveld her nylig leste en av jentene opp en beskrivelse av "hvordan være vellykket på sosiale medier;" at en måtte poste minst to instabilder hver dag, stadig legge ut nye "selfies" og andre regler som stod på denne lista. Jeg hadde nettopp blitt kjent med ordet "selfies" og hadde i alle fall aldri hørt om å være såkalt " vellykka på sosiale medier." Går det an? tenkte jeg, å være eller ikke være poppis på Facebook, liksom?! Jeg syntes det hørtes idiotisk ut, med et tankesett om at sosiale medier er jo egentlig ikke virkelig , det er ikke livet liksom, det er bare et tidsfordriv slash kommunikasjonsforum slash et eller annet... eller tok jeg feil..? For en tid tilbake hadde jeg en god samtale med en tenåringsmor som blant annet har en sønn som har Asberger syndrom (en lettere form for autisme). Som vanlig med dette syndromet er det utfordrende med sosial kontakt, men denne gutten var desto ivrigere på nettet, blant annet på so...

Her en kveld får jeg for meg at jeg skal ta tog og buss til skolen neste dag. Det er mange år siden jeg har tatt bussen og jeg vet ikke helt hva innfallet skyldes. Kanskje det er en slags nostalgisk idyll om å være på reise, kjøre med toget og nyte landskapet rundt meg mens jeg drømmer meg bort, kikke så smått på passasjerene rundt, kjøpe en pølse på Narvesen før jeg haster av gårde for å nå bussen, slik som i gamle dager...? Var det ikke deilig da jeg slapp å sitte i kø i bilen på motorveien? Jo, jeg syns å huske det. Vel, jeg står opp tidlig og er klar. Jeg har glemt at det er kaldere ute enn i en bil som varmes opp og må opp igjen etter hansker og lue. Det er faktisk veldig kaldt ute i dag. Og jeg hadde glemt ventingen, billettkjøping i maskin og å måtte forholde seg til noe som går, med eller uten meg. Jaja, jeg kommer meg i alle fall av gårde med toget til Stavanger og er godt fornøyd med det. Men så var det denne bussen da. Hvor i alle dager skal jeg gå for å finne den...

  «Går det bedre nå?» spør Anett der vi sitter i sofaen hennes med et glass Cola Zero i hendene. Jeg har nettopp vært i sorggruppe og stikker innom henne på veien hjem. Tja? Hvordan kan jeg forklare det? «Vel, det er vanskelig å kalle det hverken bedre eller verre,» svarer jeg tenkende, «det er mer som bølger, som kommer og går, om du forstår hva jeg mener..? Noen bølger er store, noen er små, man vet aldri helt hva som kommer eller hvordan de påvirker en.» Hun er ikke den eneste som har spurt meg dette. Om det går bedre nå. For det må det vel gjøre, over åtte måneder seinere. Men hvordan kan jeg forklare at på noen måter føles det verre, for det er jo lenger og lenger siden jeg har sett han! Lenger og lenger siden vi snakket sammen eller jeg fikk gitt han en god klem. Og mer og mer virkelig at han er borte og alle konsekvensene av det. I sorggruppa spør de oss om hvordan vi føler det nå, hva det er jeg kjenner på for tida. Merkelig at de spør om det. For jeg har j...