Å leve fra Ånden...

Jeg har alltid hatt problem med å forstå at andre spiser som trøst . Det hele hørtes rart ut, å være lei seg og så skulle det liksom hjelpe å spise?! Det samme med shopping. Om jeg var nedfor en dag var vel det siste jeg kunne tenke meg å gå på et kjøpesenter! Men flukt som trøst, det kunne jeg forstå, i alle fall til en viss grad. Jeg husker da jeg kom hjem fra å lede en outreach (2-måneders misjonstur) til Korea og Filippinene. Vi hadde blitt så nære, vi 12 på teamet. Da tiden for avskjed kom, 'gjemte' jeg meg på hotellrommet, tok på meg headset og skrudde volumet opp. Jeg ville ikke høre på at folk sa ha det og gråt utenfor rommet mitt, og lyden av kofferter på vei ut hotellrom og inn i heisen. Etter at folk hadde reist kom jeg smilende ut av rommet mitt og kjente at dette gikk jo lett, og fortsatte til neste ting på programmet. Dette var lenge siden. Og nå som jeg igjen er tilbake i misjon forstår jeg mer og mer hvorfor jeg gjorde det. Og hvordan dette antageligvis er ...

About a year and a half ago I wrote a blogpost in Norwegian about looking for God , searching for him without finding him, going through doubts and disappointment and wondering if he was even watching... or caring.... For the longest time it was as if there was this thick glass wall between him and I.... I couldn´t find him, I couldn´t feel or reach him, nothing made sense and it felt like I was all alone in the world. I´ve kept searching... And then a few months ago I realized that something had changed... I tried to explain it in a couple of blogposts, Bye for now Norway  and Another pause,  but it was hard to put into words. Maybe something like - it wasn´t like God was gone anymore... but he wasn´t close either. More like he was in the room, at times even sitting at the same long table... but just in the opposite end, and we weren´t really talking to one another. And I started to wonder if it was more about God finding me, than me looking for him..?! ...

So my normal and un-normal life continues here in Kona, and I´m getting my own rhythm of life. Getting up three mornings a week to run or walk (half asleep, half dead, pain everywhere!), then settling in at some café to read, while being more on Facebook and e-mail than actually reading.... drinking too much coffee... hitting the beach or pool about once a week so that you actually can  see that I live in Hawaii, and not in Norway... On my down time I sit in on DTS classes or go get some more coffee, look at sunsets, watch movies on my tiny Mac Air and read novels - the latest is SYCAMORE ROW by John Grisham and of course the latest from Ken Follett. It´s a lot of reading. I feel like I read all the time, whether it is newspapers, novels or actual school related books. The book on `Methodology of science´ (Field research methodology) is surprisingly interesting and of course very relevant to me; 3 months before my own field research, my very first one . There´s a lot to ...

Å møte Døden ansikt til ansikt har definitivt gjort noe med meg og forandret hvordan jeg ser på livet. Tiden etterpå har vært en lang vandring, hvor å innse og godta at jeg vil sørge resten av livet, har vært en prosess. Jeg er så ung enda. Jeg føler jeg enda er i begynnelsen av livet. Sorg er noe jeg mest har forbundet med å være gammel. Det føles urettferdig at jeg nå, etter dette møtet, som jeg ikke ønsket, har måttet vandre i dødens landskap, og vil gjøre det resten av livet. Jeg vet det vil bli lettere og at livet framdeles kan være godt og bla-bla-bla... men bare dette ene møtet, hvordan det nå vil påvirke resten av livet, virker framdeles urettferdig. Mitt møte var med en mann som ikke var klar for å dø og som hadde så mye livsglede og så mye å utrette. Men han hadde allikevel levd lenge og fått se barna sine vokse opp, han hadde bidratt til å bedre  samfunnet, fått forandre liv, oppleve å bli pensjonist, og gleden av å få barnebarn... Når jeg hører om barn.... og unge v...

I´m back in school, back studying and the adjustments this time around have been really hard. Sometimes I feel my life is a whirlwind and I have to go along even though it´s so chaotic. Other times I feel it´s like no breeze at all, nothing much is happening and I´m kinda bored.  I just have to include this random picture of my coffee stained shirt. I think I took a picture of it because it was my third time spilling in one hour - all in public!! It was awful! First at McDonalds - my paper jar of ketchup hitting the floor, all over and on my books as well, then knocking over my Sprite while trying to reach for something, and 30 minutes later walking around in Walmart with my coffee and too many groceries in my hands and my bag on my shoulder and no cart (don´t you hate when you´re just suppose to get 2 things and don´t need a cart, and end up carrying 10 items in your arms?!) Well it didn´t go too well trying to get chicken out of the freezer, not putting my groceries a...

Transitions transitions .... I guess life is full of them, huh? Going from week-end to another Monday, from being young to being slightly older... through different time zones, being single and no responsibilities to having kids... a season of rest to a season of running around... moving house or changing job... lots of changes ... loosing someone close to you... a new season of grief, different from a season filled with joy. Life is full of changes, full of transitions. I guess the only thing we can say for certain about life is that it will be full of changes... Well I´m in the middle of several transitions right now, and in the middle of a lot of change. Moving away from Norway was huge, coming into a new world of new people to live with, from living in the cold alone in a spacious apartment to the heat in Hawaii with 5 other room mates, transferring from being a student to being a staff. Recently transitioning into a couple of weeks in Korea; teaching English some, singing ...

So I don´t even know how to start... How can I sum up what´s going on in my head right now in a blogpost?! It would take hours and days to explain my past, present and maybe even future when it comes to the nation of Korea. So I´m not even gonna try to put my heart and mind into words. Maybe some other time. I´m just gonna say that I´m here and that it´s awesome. I´ve come for twelve days, partly to work at a school as an English teacher. Partly I´m here for the good food, I haven´t had real Kimchi in 14 years and it´s about time!! Also, it´s the perfect timing concerning weather. The superhot Korean summers are coming to an end, and it´s just nicely warm, sunny all day, pretty hot, could still wear a tank top at night. And there´s life on the streets at all hours. I love it! Bars and cafés are open until wee hours!  I arrived in Korea Friday night, and because of jetlag I´ve woken up 6 o´clock in the morning. Already the park next to where I stay is buzzling with l...

It´s 1997... and 1998.... and 1999 and 2000 and I´m rushing from the base where I live, and over to the Royal Kailuan condos - to watch a movie, to jump in the pool with some friends, to babysit somebody´s kids or just to hang out with people I know in the various apartments there. It´s so close to where I live; on base in dorms with 2-7 room mates, and it´s so nice. I love the pool, I love that it´s quiet there and that it is so close to my whole world on base. Several times I think about how great it would be to live here, but never ever thinking about how it could happen. `Cause it sounds impossible, the thought doesn´t even hit me - ever. But this week - the first of September in 2014, I will be the proud owner of an apartment there!! 17 years after I first set foot there. It´s nothing short of a miracle, I am not even sure of how it happened, and I am so thankful and blown away by it. I can´t believe I´m gonna own my own apartment in Hawaii, and that I get to call it my home. ...

So the last two weeks have been C R A Z Y busy, that´s why I haven´t blogged in a while. The days run by so fast and weeks sprint away! But let me share just a little of what has happened these two weeks. I absolutely love being staff in the school I´m in! And one of my roles is to organize some events. I had been helping out planning a weekend at a retreat place called Makapala. We went there in some cool traditional American school buses ( the ones like in the movies! ); 101 people all in all and had a fun weekend with rest, games, stargazing at night, good teaching and good food. It ended up being a really restful and bonding time together. I just enjoy being away from town for a while, surrounded by nature everywhere! The stars at night were so bright and clear. And afterwards I just felt so relieved that the trip went well; no one hurt, everyone safely home. I´m starting to really love these guys. They challenge and teach me and bless me in so ...

I´m one of those that always need a reason to do something or understand why something is happening. I think the deeper issue is a need to control everything, and to prevent bad things from happening. I like to know why I´m doing what I´m doing and to be able to defend it to outsiders that might not understand. Probably because sometimes I´m insecure myself as to why I´m really doing what I´m doing. And I really want to know what´s going on in my life and why, so I can have a peace of mind that I´m on the right path. Probably because I´m sometimes insecure about being on the right path or not. So today - Sunday August 10th - I´m really missing my Dad. And my first reaction is to wonder why and try to understand it. Nothing special happened August 10th last year, it´s not a special day or month, and it is over 1,5 years since he died. But then it hits me that I actually don´t ever have to have a reason, or need to understand why I sometimes miss him so much that it aches in my bon...

Hurricane Iselle is suppose to hit our island and our place tomorrow Thursday at around 2 PM (klokka 2 natt til fredag). So the café has closed down, the big corporate night meeting for the whole base is canceled (they never cancel that meeting!), all equipment in our classroom tent is packed and stacked in the middle of the tent, sandbags have been filled and loaded along the sides of vulnerable places and some have even gone and bought food and water supplies to last for a while. We´re ready. I think. Bad case scenario some trees will fall over and we´ll have to stay in our rooms all afternoon and night while the hurricane is raging. Worst case scenario we´ll all have to evacuate into one room - all 500 of us - and bite nails and twist fingers while waiting for the storm to pass us by. Last year there was a warning like this, and the base did a lot of work to prepare for it, and then nothing happened. This time they expect us not to be so lucky. Tsunamies and hurricanes and ...

Jeg har vaert litt fravaerende paa sosiale medier, og generelt fravaerende i alle henseender, fordi jeg har vaert syk i en uke naa. Det har ikke vaert noe kjekt. Akkurat da jeg foelte at jeg begynte og komme litt ovenpaa her, bli vant med folk, klima, arbeid, osv, kom omgangssyken og slo meg i bakken. Og ikke bare for en dag... Jeg er en av de heldige som aldri har hatt omgangssyken... i alle fall har jeg nesten aldri spydd. Jeg pleier aa si at jeg har saa mange bakterier i magen fra alle landene jeg har vaert i, og all den rare maten jeg har spist, at magen min taaler en stoeyt. Jeg spiser salat i de fleste land, drikker vann fra springen og glemmer alltid aa ha med haanddesifisering, men har likevel aldri ligget og spydd hverken her hjemme eller utenlands. Derfor tok det meg et par dager med sykdom foer jeg faktisk forstod at jeg hadde omgangssyke. Jeg fatta ikke hva som skjedde. Kramper, kvalm, svette... jeg var ganske i villrede foer jeg seinere innsaa at dette maatte va...

Another week is over, filled to the max with so many impressions and happenings, talks and teaching, so much learning and getting to know people. I still don´t know all my students´ names, especially the mens´, I must admit, but I love love love getting to know these people!! That gets better every day! And I got this!! Finally! Can you see this, everyone?!? Mom? Magnar? Anyone that has gone with me through one of my accidents where I did not have a helmet? It is actually quite amazing I survived and turned out not-too-head-damaged (or that could probably be debated!) from all my accidents when not having a helmet!!! But now I do. And it is amazing how it changes how I feel when I ride, I never thought I would. I actually feel a lot safer . Yeah, I look like a dork, and I definitely feel like one, and hope nobody recognizes me, but the safety is worth it. I´d rather be a safe dork than no dork at all. Funny I had to get this old to understand why people wear helmets! ...