Being dependent!

Yeah, I actually bought this T-shirt in 2005 when living in Hawaii at the time. And I also wore it a few times. I thought it was pretty cool. I thought it said something important about me. And maybe it did. Now I kinda laugh thinking about it. "in´de´pen´dent.... me in a nutshell... `coz I didn´t need nobody!"

Not that independence isn´t good, and right at times. Not that I don´t appreciate my own individuality, but because I´m wanting to write about what´s going on in my life - now - this blogpost is about being dependent.

Did you know that a child actually has to learn to be dependent before it can learn how to be independent? I didn´t. Not until a wise missionary girl, Leslie Freeman, with a master in child education, devoting her life to children at risk in the poor area of Jaco in Costa Rica, told me so. Yeah, that´s actually a big part of the first years of a child´s life. It´s not so much about learning how to socialize, it´s not so much about the ability to do things itself... but learning dependency on its Mom... and Dad... it is about tying those important bonds over the years that will eventually lead the child to be able to learn how to also be healthy independent.

Wow, I didn´t know you had to learn to be dependent, and how it is such a healthy and important part of being an infant and a child.

Living here, as a part of the Helland family, I´m learning to be dependent. It can be frustrating. Annoyng at times. "Someone please give me a room I can lock the door to!" It seriously challenges my views and ideals about my independence. But most of the time I´ve been thinking about the beauty of it and how glad I am to be able to experience this now.

My plan was not to live literally on top of my sister and brother in law and their three kids for months. In a two-bedroom apartment with no yard. Sharing bathroom. Having to drive to get to the center and campus. Not having my own bicycle or car. Sleeping on the bottom of the bunkbed with Kaleb on the top, the first week with Lukas on the floor next to me. Not being able to really get out without adapting to the Helland´s schedule or having to ask them to drive me, pick me up, help me with this, help me with that...... And did I mention I don´t have a network of people here, and nothing I really do..?

But then, due to finances... but also because it´s been working so well and I´m learning so much, I decided to continue staying with them. I´m only just realizing these things this year - first living for a month and half in a community house with Anne Rut, Hanna, Torstein and Kjartan - and now these months here in Hawaii, how amazing it is to be dependent on others, how it takes humility and sacrifice and having to regard others higher than yourself. And also of course "meeting myself in the door" (Norwegian expression) all the time - seeing my own selfishness, "I just need this!! I just need my space!! I just need a car at least!"  - and then realizing... no, I actually don´t need it. I don´t have to have it. Even though it might mean learning how to always wait for someone (which could be kinda frustrating since I am such a punctual person, and the Hellands live more on Hawaiian time....) - I can learn how to, and not be dependent on my own independency!!

It is truly a beautiful thing.

 During my community living with two of these guys in April and May. Eating together when that worked out, hanging out a lot, learning how to share and having people see me on happy days, sad days, with and without makeup, praying and worshiping together... it was seven amazing weeks and I am so thankful for them!!

 The apartment the Hellands live in don´t have lights in the bedroom, and since it gets pitch dark around 6 I have the storageroom (bod) open (which funny enough does have lights) and sit in the crack of it if I want to read. It all works out, with boundaries you learn how to be creative - and live within them!

Christina felt sorry for me having to sit squeezed between the storageroom and the bedroom door when reading. So she got Christmaslights to have around our bed, partly because it´s Christmas and a nice decoration, and partly `coz then I can stay in bed and read :-)