On our way home...

Then I've been through it all again, the hugs and the goodbyes and the sadness of leaving one more time, and we're on our way home. I'm not used to traveling with someone. It's nice to have Ina here and nice that we share so many stories and memories from our month in Hawaii. I guess that's why it's a good thing to travel with someone, not just the company, but that you have someone else that understands what you mean about "the breakfast dress" or the feeling of flying while riding the scooter, someone who remembers the details of our roadtrip to Hilo and how we were so starved and tired and lost looking for a place to eat that we all gave each other really short answers. It's nice that someone knows what goes on in the base in YWAM Kona and have seen it from the inside, from what goes on to the actual places of things. It's been a real good thing traveling with her. 

But now it's over and we're headed home. I was sad all day yesterday, wondering what would happen in the future and when I would be back. It was like I had to tell myself to let the place go and see if it ever comes back to me.

Leaving my family was especially hard. Lukas and Isabella kept hugging me and saying how much they loved me and would miss me with sadness in their little voices. I put Lukas to bed and sang for him before we left, and he said he wanted to pray for me and did so for a long time, telling God how he would miss me and that God had to take good care of me and give me a safe trip. I've had so many memories with them these past four months, so much inside jokes (intern humor) and wild plays. I've become the best female Anakin Skywalker with light saber there is and a master at drawing Angry birds in all shapes and forms (Angry birds ala Star Wars and Lord of the rings were especially popular). We've sung the songs from the movie "Frozen" so many times my sister complained yesterday that they now were sick of "Let it go" and that I wasn't helping. 

It's sad to leave and a lot of pain comes when loving someone. Especially when it means you have to live apart, leave each other several times, and as with our case, some of the family being missionaries. Sometimes it is good - because it makes you really appreciate and cherish the time you do have and make as most out of it you can, and it is good to miss someone realizing how much you care. But other times it's just hard, and sad. And even though you know deep inside that it is worth it - that they are doing missions for a reason and sacrificing all this because they really believe in something - the cost of it all at times makes me wonder. 

When I get to this place - that place of fear and doubt - I try to be quiet and let it all sink in. I try to accept what I feel and allow myself to cry or be mad or sad or whatever I'm feeling. And then sometimes I remember what my Dad said about focusing on Jesus, on someone greater than me, and sometimes when I do that, like now, here in San Fransisco airport, among hundreds of other travelers, I'm filled with a lot of peace - and joy - and I just know everything's gonna be okey.