Embracing Korea

First a little history. From 1997 - 2000 I was in Korea 5 times, all together living there for about 7 months. It was my first time back to the country I was born in, and it changed my life. I always wondered if I´d feel at home coming back, it being my birth country and all, but I felt like such a stranger, and as much as a tourist as my fellow Americans and Norwegians that came with me (there were 80 of us, located in the north, with a main task - to pray for Korea. It was amazing, maybe the best time in my life). But all the same, feeling like a stranger, I also had a lot of other emotions filling my heart - love, respect, fascination, annoyance, shock, and the like.

This time around is my 7th. After more than 14 years I came back here 12 days in September, and am now here for six weeks.

Everyone that´s been here after 2010 has told me how changed Seoul has become since the 90´s. So I didn´t know what to expect these times around. But to me, it looks exactly the same. Very little is changed. The old blue trucks loaded with goods, the smells, the crowded streets, the many stores with interesting Korean-English names, the funky and nicely dressed people, the very different and spicy and incredible traditional food, the courtesy and bowing, and everyone smashing into you everywhere without saying sorry. Not much changed, in my eyes. Maybe they speak a tiny bit better English this time around, and the translated English signs doesn´t crack me up as much as before... Other than that - it´s just how I remembered it, and my heart is filled with the same feeling of.... I don´t know how to describe it, because it´s not quite home, but maybe something close to that, something well familiar, something you love and treasure, somewhere you feel save, almost like you belong in a way.

I´ve all my life had this love/hate relationship with Korea and Koreans, and knowing them has made me the happiest and the most frustrated person. I guess it´s hard to stay complacent (likegyldig) to the nation that gave you life and looks, even though I never grew up in it, I was always aware of it. Meeting Koreans for the first time in my late teens made me full of respect and honor, but also flamingly mad at times. There was so much I didn´t understand and didn´t agree with, and I hated all the expectations suddenly put on me "because I was Korean by blood". I often wanted to shout and scream at people, and acted culturally rude plenty of times.

This time - my 7th as mentioned - after two weeks here, I notice that I for the first time don´t get so upset any more. I´m surprised by my lack of frustration and anger mixed with the fascination. I look at the differences, and I might not agree, but I understand them, most of them, and respect them, and even see much to learn about this society so entirely different from my own. I find I like the bowing, and I like the accepted differences between ages and roles in society, and I see how the respect the students have for the teachers benefit everyone (except that one class and me, haha!! The class has changed a lot, though, and with this specific one there are deeper reasons why things are the way they are! ...Now I find myself trying to defend myself, haha. Maybe I was just a lousy teacher?!)

Well, I am back to teach English to Chinese orphans in the south part of Seoul. I am also here to do my master field research for my thesis, and have spent two weeks writing down every interesting and uninteresting observation I can detect. Now it´s time to start interviewing, and I´m a bit scared about it!! I also started tutoring two boys one-on-one, have connected with an American church (so I can hear someone speak English and stay sane!) and try to be involved in some of the activities here.

And for the first time I can tell I am embracing Korea, like never before, with its good and bad, with its strengths and weaknesses - and though crazy and hectic and too busy and stressing - I am loving my time here so far!