Update: Living in between

Well, here comes an update on my life in English!

After my adventurous life the last two years - being a missionary, a master student, researcher, tourist - and living in Hawaii and Norway, and a bit in South Korea, for twelve days to four months at a time - I've come home to Norway for the first time without an immediate plan of leaving soon.

After fulfilling a long term dream of going into North Korea in August 2015 and seeing the country and the people with my own eyes I went to Kona, Hawaii in September to write on my thesis, hoping more adventurous doors would open up during the three months I was there.

They didn't.

Nothing happened.

I was surprised. But deep inside my heart I think I was prepared, though I did not want to admit it. So I came home to Norway in December fearing that maybe this would be my last travel for a while, maybe I was to settle down or at least, I feared something would change. After being very determined for two years and almost having the "writing on the wall" for my every move, the sky had started to cloud up the last months and when I came home it just went totally overcast, and this is where I am now.

I've loved being home with my family and friends, celebrating Christmas and catching up, but I do not know what I'm doing with my life or where I'm heading. My thesis is dragging out, I am tired of writing and sick of my material, and my mind is blurry while I'm working. What is it I'm trying to find out again? I wonder sometimes. The clock is ticking. It was supposed to be handed in in December. Then I postponed it to January, then February... Now March... It is taking me for ever and the worst part is that I honestly don't know when it'll be done. And before that; looking for jobs, starting jobs, or figuring out my next move is out of the question. Finishing this thesis takes all I've got for now.

So my Mom and then my sister have generously taken me in (and I have some amazing friends that have told me I can come stay with them anytime - what would I do without you guys??), Miriam and Lachie gave me their car when they moved to Australia (it will only last 1-2 months, but is such a blessing right now!) and I'm trying to accept that my life right now is in between. In between paychecks, in between work or a mission, in between housing and in between belonging. I'm trying to accept the culture shocks as well as the harsh Norwegian winter and the depressing darkness. I'm allowing myself to grieve. I let go of my dreams again and again and look at my empty hands while trying to smile at the future.


Right after New Years I prayed and asked God for direction for 2016. What were to be my New Years resolutions this year around? What could I hope for?

I got two words. Overflow (overskudd). And Joy.

And in the midst of winter's darkness, with the sky overcast, my hands empty and my cup half-full, I can feel it. Overflow. Joy in my heart. It's there. Sometimes I get so stressed out, and other times I am so frustrated, trying to control what little I can... But if I just pause and breathe and remember the important things - all I have that I take for granted, and the lessons I learn while being in between, I can feel it right away.

Overflow.

Joy.